I'm not dead

So its been quite awhile since my last blog and that isn't due to a lack of blogging material,because trust me, theres been plenty. But rather my brain has been reeling with what I should and shouldn't blog about. How open should I be on here? Trying to redo and change the layout etc and change adresses so my London blog isn't linked to this one and the list continues.

Things with "1" are as crappy as ever, we're at the point where we don't even talk to eachother, and I'm actually fine with it. At times I get sad and think about how it used to be and how BFF we once were, but I've realized it ovbiously wasn't supposed to happen or maybe it is and this part we're going through right now was. Who knows and I'm done trying to figure it out or care and am just riding it till its finished.

I've just realized that the kid has more issues than DETAILS magazine and I feel bad for him. Realizing how confused he must be himself, trying to be himself but trying to hide, losing a best friend just like I did. But yea, whatever.

School is good. Its definitally alot more work than my freshman year and my semester abroad but the classes are interesting and my activities keep me busy.

Work is work, although I'm already over the waitering job and remember some of the things that made me really dislike the job.

I also recently went through a tramautic event with my car. Sort of. My tire blew out on my way back to school from home and so Im currently without a vehicle and you never realize how much you miss it until its gone :(

But yea, thats just a not even tip of the iceburg recap on whats gone one. I currently am in no mood to really go through all the details and im sure you are in no mood to sit and actually read about it all.

SO for now I'll call it quits

Originally Posted Dec 30th, 2007

The last couple of days have once again been nothing but work and I haven't minded. It'll be all worth it in the end,when I actually have money! I got my first paycheck from the GAP and it was alot more than I thought and so I was pretty flippin stoaked!Sports Page has treated me pretty well too still. I had a few nights last week where I got shit on for tips, but its gotten better and I've rolled in some extra dough!BUT I've decided,and i actually decided this a long time ago. But I think everyone should work in the retail and service industries at some point in their life. I think they'd become alot more appreciative and less stupid about thing then.For example at GAP, for the most part people are enjoyable and great BUT on ocassion you get the stupid faces who tear through your clothes piles and have no regard for you and the hour you just spent meticulously refolding every shirt and carefully putting on the size sticker so that they all line up,one person looks through that pile and its ruined in 10 seconds! OR I was doing a run through of dressing rooms the other day, just making sure there weren't clothes etc in them and some woman had tried on probably 5 or 6 pairs of pants and literally stepped out of them and put the next pair on. SO, the dressing room floor is covered in crumpled up pants. It just really pissed me off, im like SERIOUSLY you couldn't take an extra 10 seconds and at least make sure its all in one pile? I was livid for awhile on that one.Then there's waitering. Once again, I've only had the table from hell on ocassion. But people need to remember that its not always your servers fault and sometimes the kitchen messes up. For example, I had these two older ladies one day and I had already been warned they were fun to deal with. SO, I made sure I got everything perfect foem. I put in their order-double check it and know its correct. So, im walking through my section and they flag me down,waving taheir arms in the air and the whole bit. So I walk over and ask how I can help and the lady says "Didn't you understand I wanted this medium well, this is too pink" So I force a smile and apologize and take it back to the kitchen. The thing is, see I had put in the order right it was the kitchen who fucked up. What did they want me to do? Cut into their steak to make sure it was cooked right?So yea, people can upset me at times.On other more juicy notes.Once again, my life had a pretty interesting event occur.So, I'm out at the club on Friday night,standing there chit chatting with my friends when this guy approaches me and says "ANDREW", and gives me this expectant look like I should know him. At first I have no clue who he is and he could probably tell by the bitchy look I gave him and the awkward HI response I gave. But a few seconds later it dawned on me and the guy was my babysitter from back when I was like 11!! He was a senior when I was in 8th grade, so we're only like 5 years apart,don't worry.The thing is my friends, I have had a mad crush on this kid since he babysat me. Naturally, not the whole time seeing I haven't seen him for 5ish years. So we chatted and he had to go back to his pool game, but told me I better go talk to him more. So, I did and yea, it was great and now hopefully we're going out to lunch or dinner sometime this week!But 4 real, who freakin' sees their old babysitter at the gay bar?!?Let alone one you had a crush on and he turns around and flirts with you!?OTHER NEWSTurns out GK and J are officially dating. How do I know? I ran into them last night at the bar and was talking to GK and he said "yea, we almost broke up last night" and told me the story on why. So, I guess I'm not too bitter. Turns out I was just an involuntary one-off match maker.ALSO 1 and I kinda talked last night. He had texted me and told me he was out at another club in DSM and I was like "yea, don't care" and ignored the text. It was getting close to closing time at bar and he gave me a call and i couldnt hear him and my phone kept cutting out. But the next thing I know, my good friend CC who I hadn't seen in forever runs up and gives me a hug and we chat, then 4 mins later, 1 comes running at me and gives me a hug and etc .etc.SO I vamoose, I didn't want to be around him at the bar. So, I tell my friend LJ im outie and she walked with me cuz she was ready to go too.So, im driving home and get a call from 1, and he was right behind me and he asks why im being so mean to him, why i ignored his text, bla bla bla. and I tell him that he's been the mean one not me. But we ended up chatting for awhile back in Indianola and it was weird..kinda..it was nice,but he kept saying I was being mean and grumpy at him and so I was minorly confused. I'm like WTF, you've treated ME like shit the last 6 months, not the other way around my friend!!!He also made a few random comments and asked a couple of questions and I was just like..are you sure you're over me/us? Cuz why would you care or say that?BUUT I think thats about it for the Drew life. For the time being at least.PEACE

Originally Posted Dec 28th, 2007

Lets face it. I'm not over you.I really thought I finally was. I thought you had pissed me off enough and given me enough shit that I was finally done and ready to move on.Turns out, like normal,it only lasted a couple days.I still get funny feelings inside when I hear your name- sometimes its giddiness, then I remember how we are now and it turns to anger. 90% of the time I get a text, I hope its from you. I wish you'd call or text more often just so I get ignore it and make you wonder why I don't answer. I want to hate your new best friend- even though he's the sweetest kid ever and hasn't done anything to me. I REFUSE to look at your facebook page because I'm afraid I';ll see pictures or read something I don't want to hear. And yesterday, when I called you to see if you still needed my help, I was minorly bitter when you told me someone else helped you.BUT what ultimately made me realize that I am in no way over you is that, I compiled a list about you in my head today on my way to work. A list of things that I know about you and that I bet he(your new BFF) doesn't.
your favorite food is macaroni and cheese and little smokies,but you also really like Mexican
you love your family more than anything and have 3 younger brothers-Brandon, Matt and I think the other is Ryan? Your step-dads name is Matthew and he's an ass and you love your momma as much as I love mine
When you're annoyed at someone and yelling at them your voice gets this funny tight sound
you're a clean freak
You've never went to the same school for more than 2 years
You can't stand people lying to you (*ironic*)
You show you care the straight buy way, by making fun and joking
You sleep on your left side and can ocassionaly sleep walk
I 've decided you have 4 smiles,that I can think of1-When you're genuinely happy2-When you're working with new people,its a kinda fake friendly smile3-When you get in trouble or trying to get your way, its your "shit eating grin" and itworked all the time on me. I've also seen it double as your Senior Picture smile4-When you're smiling for pictures sober and it feels posed, minorly like #2 but a littlemore natural.
You confided in me which school you got rejected from
Your weakness when it comes to men
And I was able to think of these without even having to really sit and ponder. But who knows, maybe he knows all this too now.
I was also thinking about all this last night-me trying to give up on you and not care. For awhile I thought it was the best answer, but is it?
I mean, maybe I shouldn't be quite so bitter. Granted, I still have no intention of welcoming you back with open arms, but maybe I should try and be a little nicer and give it a go. Afterall,you were the one that made the move and that says alot.
I guess I'm ScAReD. I think thats why I'm trying so hard to not care. I'm afraid of what will happen if I do care. I'm afraid I'll get hurt again. I'll find out how close you and that kid are. You'll change your mind and push me away again.
But I think I should give it a go. Afterall, I said throughout the ordeal that I just felt in my gut it would work out and we'd be fine, maybe this is that beginning process of being fine. AND I do have that facebook quote that says " Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about" and I definitally think about you everday, for some stupid reason.
So I think I need to lighten up. I need to try this being friends again thing out,while remembering that its NOT going to be like old times and keep in mind what you've done. BUT not be 100% against rebuilding our friendship.
Why is my mind so fICklE/undestanding. Why does it change so often but I can still look at it from an outside point of view most of the time and think rationally while with my heart, all at the same time.
What really needs to happen is my heart and my head need to sit down and have a chat and decide whos taking charge.
Either way, the truth is I'm not over you, not even close and don't know if that'll ever change.

Originally Posted Dec 27th, 2007

So while life hasn't been to extraordinary eventful, there have been a couple of significant events.The first was Christmas Eve.For starts, I lost my keys while at the mall. HAHA yes, I did. After work I decided I wanted some coldstone, i hadn't had it in over 4 months! So, I get my ice cream and then sit down in the food court to enjoy it. All this time I'm busy chatting on the phone to my friend about another event that had happened that day (don't worry we'll get to that story), so I was a bit distracted. I walk around the mall a bit trying to find a new pair of shoes and then I finally head out to my car. I get to my car and realize my keys are no longer in my possesion.I remembered that I had them when I was pay for my ice cream becuase I had set them on the counter. So, I prayed that I had just left them there. I book it to Coldstone and the 12 year old working tells me that "he didn't think" any keys were left. So, I go over and check where I had sat,but people were already there. I decide to head down to Customer Service in the hopes that maybe someone or mall security had turned them in. No Such Luck. I then think that maybe I had left them in Banana Republic when I was looking at the cologne in there, but once again I struck out. I decided to check at Coldstone again and try to speak to someone competant, but they assured me no one left keys.I call home and tell them the story, they tell me to double check everywhere and then call them and let them know if I still can't find them.I decided to try Customer Serivce again and leave my name and number juswt in case someone turns them in. By this point I'm not too freaked out, I just feel stupid and figure I'll have to call home.So I talk to the people at customer service and they give me their number and I leave mine and decide to try the other store I was at. About 4 mins later I get a call from Customer Service and someone turned them in!! So,I got my keys back.YAY! But yea, that was just part of the excitment for the day.NOW the other story.This past summer, I was in the most complicated/awkward relationship ever and was madly in love with the kid, we'll call him "1" because thats what he was. My number 1 for awhile, my first love, one person I talked to about everything etc. etc. We'll things ended awkward/bad and the entire time I was overseas we didn't talk and things were super awkward/not good between us when I got back and so I had finally called it quits on the kid and said I'M DONE!We'll I randomly get a text from him while I'm at work that says "are you busy?" I instantly freak out. Thinking "why is he texting me? " "What does he want?" Does he want to talk and apologize? Does he want to yell at me because he thinks I started some other rumor he thought I was trying to start. Does he just want to talk about next semester's classes and borrow books for them? WTF did he want!!!?So, I get off work and text him back and say WHATSUP?He replies "I know things have been awkward between us since you got back and I don't like not talking to you and I want to bfriends again. but we can't be physical"I reply " I agree" even though things were 10x worse than just awkward! "but I didn't expect anything physical"and we go on to talk about this rumor about him I brought up a couple weeks ago. I had brought it up and told him what I heard and when he approached the person who was my source the person denied it and so 1 didn't know who was lying and I'm pretty sure 1 thought I was and so I once again explained to him that I have no reason to lie etc. etc. and asked him to compare relationships between me and him and him and our source. And how 1 had tursted me with a shitload of secrets that I have kept, how I haven't ever lied to him and the list continues. I also told him I wasn't going to beg him to believe me, but to just think about it all.but bla bla bla. He said how he really wanted to be friends again, that he didn't like not being able to talk to me. etc etc.And while even just a couple weeks ago I would have lOVED to have heard that and I would have been so excitied and ready to be friends again, this time I was like "okay, whatever."I ovbiously didn't say that, but it was the thought that was in my head. That no, actually I've dealt with your shit enough and i'm tired of worrying if Im going to piss you off or not and that on top of it all, you don't believe me about this stupid rumor and IM DONE!It felt good too. Usually, I was so freaking wishy washy on the kid.I hated him one minute and was still madly in love with him the next, but this time I had finally managed to stay solid on how I felt.But yea, there's ovbiously a whole lot more to the background of this story and one day I'll do my best to tell you the whole story on Drew and 1, but that'll do for right now.Yesterday was another exciting day. Sorta. Like most of the day was boring, but one special event made the day pretty spectacular.I got hit on at work. haha.I was doing my thing, folding clothes etc and I hear this guy say " i know alot of kids from simpson go there" and I hadn't ever seen him or the girl the was with to I was like "you guys go to Simpson?"and he said he used to but he transferred. So I chit chat with them a bit more about Simpson and how the music and theatre departments own your soul and etc.So, then I'm folding clothes more and doing my thing once again and he comes up and was like "i don't live in town, but im here for a couple of days. You should give me a call" and gave me his number. I was minorly excitied. He was a cute kid plus I had actually gotten hit on! It was great!BUT that's a roundup of the last couple of days.PS-back to 1. I'm starting to wonder if the kid is actually 100% over us. All this time I thought he had been and I was hurt and had finally moved on and now even though he says he wants to be friends and there can't be anything between us, he texted me last night asking if I was in Indianola and then at like 2am saying "whatsup" of course this could totally be him just being conversational, OR it could be more. Who knows!Oh-well.Have a good one

Originally Posted Dec 25th, 2007

So this is actually a pretty recent event, but just backs up my theory that at times I need my own reality show.So, it began 2 weeks ago, during finals. A friend and I had decided to go out to Des Moines, neither of us had finals and we were bored and cabin crazy from being stuck inside all day because of the crappy weather.So, the nights fun and I notice an absolutly GORGEOUS boy, well at the time there wasn't enough liquid courage in Drew, so he didn't go up and talk to him, however that changed by the end of the night and right before I left I approached him and tried to give him my number, but he told me "NO" so I was like "then give me yours" and he was all "NO" and I was like "why?" and he said I was too drunk and we argued little bit more about it before I finally gave up and left, bitter and angry that I got rejected and I continued to be bitter for the rest of the week, no lie!So,anywhom Friday comes and everyone leaves me. I was staying on campus because I was going to work in admissions the next week. I didn't feel like being a loser and sitting alone in the room on a Friday night, SO I called a few friends and made my way to Des Moines. We went out to one of the bars and socialized and drank. Well, by sometime ( i have no clue) we'll say midnight. I still wasn't feeling anything and this was 3 vodka cranberry's, 4 beers and 2 shots later ( I blame it on the London tolerance) and I'm complaining to my friend and he's like "we'll remedy that" so he buys me a 3-wisemen shot(a bit of Jack Daniels, bit of Jim Beam and bit of Jose Cuervo). I take it, along with 2 rumplemintz shots a few minutes later and the rest of the night is a blank. HOWEVER it turns out that actually, I was given 2-Three Wise Men shots! Eitherway, I don't recall anything past that point excpet bits and pieces of conversations and falling on the ice on the way out of the bar.Saturday morning comes and I'm still asleep when I wake up to "Drew,Drew, get up""drew,do you know where you are?" now, I had been in a dead sleep and mumble and tell the person to leave me alone and that I'm at Luke's house. PS-no clue who luke is or why I said his name! WELL, I finally roll over and guess who's waking me up!! It's gorgeous boy from Tuesday night! We'll call him J. So, J kinda tells me about the night, how I had given him a hard time about Tuesday, turns out he was hammered out of his mind and doesn't remember the night and I kept asking him if he thought I was such a loser for being so dumpy and etc. etc.
Anyway, he somehow took me back to his apartment and took care of, gave me clothes to change into, well shorts at least, turns out I passed out before I chould change out of my shirt and he made sure I drank water and didn't die. He takes me back to my car, I thank him and I head back to I-Town.
Upon my arrival I hit the sack for a few hours and try to sleep off the HoRrIbLE HaNGoVeR I have before heading off the work at 5.
Work rolls around things are fine and I head back up to Des Moines to kick it, I run into J and this time he's the drunk one, I was still feeling Friday a little too much and it was my turn to take him back to his own place.
So, yea, I stayed the night with him again, only this time I'm sober and functioning. We just sat and talked and joked till like 5am and it was fun. It was nice and different and something I needed after the previous drama I had been dealing with for the past forever months, which is a whole other story for another blog, which I will debut SOON!
So, there was no sex involved in the weekend, just fun hanging out and he was gorgeous and needless to say Drew began to crush.
Tuesday rolls around and it also happens to be Drew's birthday! So Drew and his friend, GK, head up to Des Moines to celebrate, I had called people ahead of time and let them know about the festivities and so I met friends there. I had also texted J to inform him of the goings on. He shows up and says HI but does his own thing with his own people. I had told GK about the weekend on Sunday morning and so on Tuesday I pointed out J. He was jealous and I thought we were done.
Progressivly through the night I become more social (read-more drunk) and I lose my friend, but we had traveled separatly and so I wasn't worried.
Wednesday morning comes and I text GK to find out who he went home with. I had a busy day that day and had to work, so I didn't get the voicemail till after my shift. It was GK and he told me he did indeed go home with someone and to call him and he would explain. I knew right then what had happened.
And I was RIGHT, GK had become a crush stealing friend and went home with J!!!!
The thing was, I wasn't too bitter. I mean, I had known J like 72 hours and GK and I aren't besties anyway. I was just bummed that it ovbiously meant I was on the oust with J. However, GK kept apologizing calling himself a horrible person-BLA-bla-bla.
So, that's where you'd think it would end. But, NO.
I come home that night( Wednesday) and hear music playing upstairs, SO I go up to say HI and Lo and BeHolD who's hanging out with GK and his crew, why its J!
I visit for like 5 mins and then leave, turns out it upset me a little more than I thought. A few seconds later I get a text from GK asking if I'm pissed. I lie, say "no", make a few excuses and go over to another friends. A few hours later,upon my arrival back at the house, GK calls me and tells me to come talk to him. He's drunk and does the whole "I'm a horrible person, I'm sorry, He said you were just friends" etc etc etc. But I explain to him I don't care, J and I had known eachother 72ish hours and that its fine.
Are you still with me? Hang on we're almost done,but seriously, isn't it juicy? Like 4-real. who does this actually happen to?
It's now Thursday and I once again arrive home from work,hear music and go upstairs. This time I'm prepared I assume J is going to be there. BUT I'm fine with it. Well, he was there, if by there you mean all over GK, touchy feely,holding hands and kissing there. But I stick it out play a few drinking games with everyone that was there and head to bed.
But not before swearing off thinking I can actually find a dateable person, and realizing that if men didn't exist in my life it would be perfect.
But that's the story. Something you could find a tweenage novel, if they were about gays in college. IDK, maybe you were bored and didn't find it interesting or maybe you laughed or maybe you got pissed at GK.
IDK, I'm over it, but wanted to share with you and show just how crazy my life can be. AND trust me, I have a few more of these type of stories on file. In case things somehow get boring.